It’s strange, I only saw you a few hours ago and I miss you already. This is new. You have been so kind, patient and understanding, I don’t quite know what I did to deserve you.
I have never been one of those people that is sacred to be by herself, if anything sometimes it’s exactly what I need. However the other day, at my best friend’s engagement party for the first time it exactly felt weird and lonely, like there should have been someone there with me the share that moment and their happiness. I don’t know if it’s because it was an engagement party so everything kinda hit home a little bit harder, but it was definitely something that I never thought I would feel. I’m an independent sort of person when it comes to relationships and I go through phases of how much I need to be round someone. And at that moment standing by myself at her party I knew that I needed someone stood next to me just to give me that look of encouragement that this would also happen to me one day. That I would be as happy and in love as she was in that very moment.
Life moves so fast. Sometimes people forget that the simplest things in life are the most important. What happened to sitting under a tree and reading a good book? Going to the beach at night just to watch the world go by? Hanging out for the day with your best friends doing absolutely nothing. These are the best days! One of the best days of my summer was chilling at the beach late at night watching the stars; it was beautiful and so straight forward. I really wish I had done it more. And I shall.
I really don’t understand you sometimes! You told me nothing would change and you didn’t want things to be weird. Well, good job because things are definitely weird. I was normal and treated you exactly the same, I know things will be hard for a while but I just want my friend back! I loved how it was before, where did you go?!
Music really does make the world go around. It can fit any mood that you happen to be in, and without I think I would truly be lost.
This week of my life is going to be crazy I have so much stuff going on and many people I need to see. I feel like some people in my life are suffering, I don’t get to see them as much as I would like to and it makes me feel like a bad friend. I’ve come to a point in my life when I’m realising I can’t do everything I want to, or be in several places at once. And rather than trying to please many people I just need to make the decisions for me. I just hope I don’t hurt too many people in the process.
My summer is nearly over and life is still moving considerably fast. There is so much going on at the moment that I barely have two minutes to myself. However this is how I like it I’m spending time with the people I love before university kicks in again and we will be far apart. I’m being pulled in so many different directions, I have to plan stuff for the wedding which is going on in a weeks time, work are giving me so much overtime, and I still need to find time to sleep and breathe. Although I cannot complain for without the overtime I would not be hanging out with most of my friends and they are one huge dorky part of my life. It’s weird how round different people you can act differently, and with certain people you can be more open with than others. I like to talk about the stuff I want people to know, everything else is kept inside (which isn’t a lot in all honesty). However there is always that one person who is slowly breaking down the walls you have made yourself and that’s scary. I thought I was safe behind my little fort and that was how it was going to stay, until you started asking questions, and it seems like you can see right through me. And that, that is one of the scariest things ever.
Sometimes life gets a little crazy and you have to sit back and take a minute and realise that you are incredibly lucky to have what you have. It’s so easy to take things for granted, when things aren’t quite going your way, but you have to remember that someone always has it worse than you, and that someone may be all alone and not have the people surrounding you that you do. The ones that can get you through the shittiest day and make you smile at the most stupidest things! So go out into the world and makes someones day, whether it’s giving blood or giving them a smile. You never know you might have just saved someone.
One week left and my first year will be complete. I never thought 2 years ago when I left college that this is where I would end up. It’s funny how when you’re not looking for something it just falls in your lap. Although I’ve left everything to the last week as usual I feel good about the past year, I’ve met some awesome people who will hopefully put up with me enough to stick around! This week has been absolutely beautiful, the sun won’t stop shining and I couldn’t be more grateful! So here I am rounding up my first year of university sat in my back garden watching the sunset with a large cup of coffee life couldn’t be more perfect! Be grateful for what you’ve got while you have it, you never know how long it’s going to be here for. So appreciate every minute!
Nothing lasts forever, and that can sometimes be the saddest thing!
Recognise the small things they usually mean the most
- The smell of rain
- Lazy Days
- Walks along a deserted beach
- Last minute plans
- Rain pouring outside whilst trying to sleep
- Scrap booking
- Big Hoodies
- Movie night
- Driving around
- Summer evenings
- Bike rides
- The ocean
- The countryside
- The city
- Harry Potter
- Doctor Who
- The people who made me who I am
I need a change! I always say this yet never do anything about it! I really need to do something different! Maybe this summer will be the epic one I’ve always wanted, maybe it won’t. Sometimes you just need to get away and clear your head take a breather from life and look at what you have and maybe re-evaluate things a little bit. I don’t really know what I want to happen I just know that I want it to be something! I’m going to be 20 in 3 days. The 10 years between 20 and 30 seem so important to me. I just see it as the years everything falls into place. You’re supposed to get your shit together plan for the feature, meet the love of your life, begin your dream career! Thinking about it is scary! I don’t feel old enough to think about this sort of stuff, I still feel like the little kid I once was. I love sitting in front of the television and watching Disney movies, living at home, still living in the town I grew up in. But soon I need to move on and that scares me, what if I loose what I have?! I have had the same best friends since I was 6 and I feel them slowly pulling away, that scares me. They have helped me grow up part of them will always be part of me there is no denying that. We all have our own lives now and our own jobs and university, we are busier than we used to be. And i miss them! I want to live a worry free life and feel settled and not plodding along in job just to get me by. I need to start planning my life and that’s scary! I don’t want to grow up yet! I want to go to Neverland for a bit!
Walking always clears my head. It gives me time to think, gives me time to make lists in my head and then panic about what I still have left to do. Walks give me time to worry about the beautiful people in my life who need me to worry about them. They give me time to consider the type of person i’m becoming and whether it’s the person I thought I would always be, and if there are things I need to change. It has given me the time to think about my best friend who is heart broken and seeing her like this makes a part of my heart shatter too. I want to be able to give her a big hug and fix all her problems, but I know that is not possible and that all she needs is time. I will be there for her with as many hugs and as many chocolate cheesecakes she needs until she finally feels a little bit of the way back to normal. You can’t fix everything and sometimes I just wish you could, just to save all the hurt.